


Mt Vesuvius

by ZombieCyborgAssassin



Category: Stephanie Plum - Janet Evanovich
Genre: F/M, I am a mature adult, Revenge, this is really old fanfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-22
Updated: 2018-04-22
Packaged: 2019-04-26 07:15:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,169
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14397000
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ZombieCyborgAssassin/pseuds/ZombieCyborgAssassin
Summary: Stephanie does something about someone.





	Mt Vesuvius

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Livvy_Nicklaus](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Livvy_Nicklaus/gifts), [Madelineyoungwrites](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Madelineyoungwrites/gifts).



> This is some really old fanfic that I dont even remember what the prompt was.   
> If you like this, check out my other fics and my website (on profile) for originals.  
> I own nothing.

I slumped onto my bed and stared at my phone, unable to process what I was looking at. It had taken a moment for my brain to register what was displayed on the screen, but I was still stuck, trying to figure out how I was meant to feel. As I stared at the photos from Terry Gilman of Joe doing Joyce against the side of her car in an alley, I sorted through my emotions.

Above everything, anger was the biggest emotion, it was filling my veins with liquid fire. Of all the people he could have been cheating on me with, why her? And obviously Terry, since this has also upset her, too.

But then there was relief. Did it make me a bad person to be happy that he did this, and I no longer had to do this ridiculous dance? Probably.

Fear. I felt fear. Now I can’t hide. I’m wide open for attack from Ranger and I’m not sure I’m going to survive it.

Frustration. Now my mother will try and set me up or blame me for not keeping her precious Joseph happy enough to keep him from straying. Claiming it was my job and my aversion to marriage and kids that made him dissatisfied.

I sigh. I have only the next 9 hrs before I’m meant to arrive at the office, and Connie and Lula are going to know something is up. I have to plan a counter attack, accounting for all angles.

I pull out a pen and paper and call Marylou.

...

I swung into the bonds office the next morning baring a box of donuts and a smile that would put Miss America to shame.

“Morning.” I chirp as I reach past Lula and grab a Boston Crème.

“Someone got lucky last night.”  Connie said, waving one wet nail polished hand around while grabbing at a donut with the other.

I chocked a little on my donut. This is going to be easier than I thought.

“You could say that.” I purr, rolling a shoulder.

“Oh, Supercop do anything good?” Lula asked, clearly trying to get details.

“Ha! More like he did something  _ bad _ .” I say smugly. See, I don’t need to lie, it’s all in the delivery.

I watch Lula and Connie fan themselves as they let their imaginations get away from them.

If I didn’t already suspect that Vinnie had the office bugged, and feel the tell tale tingle on the back of my neck of a certain man of black, I probably would have been surprised by Ranger opening the inner office door at that moment.

“Babe.” My all encompassing Batman’s one word to English dictionary states that Ranger is not only greeting me, but us also annoyed by something. Probably something I said.

Smiling, I straighten my shoulders. “Carlos.” I sass back. See I can do that too.

Inwardly, I rejoice at the way his eyes turn pitch and his blank face falters long enough to see a flash of emotions too quick to name, but can be grouped in the positive and extremely hot category, before the mask is put back on.

He stares at me a moment, clearly trying to get a read on me. I take the time to enjoy the view. I’m not planning on giving information to the enemy, but I am going to give him the hint that the game’s changed.

“Can I talk to you outside?” he finally asks.

I look up from his crotch and smile knowingly. He wants to get me in the alley, weaken my defences and interrogate me. Fat chance.

“No.” I hear Lula and Connie suck in a breath.

I open my first file and start analysing the FTA as a way to dismiss Ranger.

He walks over to the couch and sits down so close that our sides are touching.

Leaning over he breathes into my ear, “I have all day, Babe.” I feel my panties drench and my nipples perk up at the heat of his breath, smell of Bulgari and tone of his voice.

Smirking up at him, I lean into him, my hand in his lap. Shifting far enough that my lips brush his ear before I draw in a breath through my lips. I feel his pants shift, that he’s affected before I’ve even said a word proved Marylou was right. He’s just better at hiding it.

“Carlos,” I purr into his ear, rolling the r softly. “I would love to give you all day, probably all night too,” I squeeze his upper thigh gently, and catch the slight hitch in his breathing. “but you can’t offer me what I want, sorry.” I stood up and swung out of the office before he had a chance to consider my words.

As I pulled my car out into traffic I saw him standing on the footpath watching as I drive away.

I couldn’t hide the shit eating grin on my face even if I tried.

...

After I’d dropped grandma back home, and scored a guilt free lunch, probably the last one I’ll have in the foreseeable future, I pull my current rust and multicoloured POS into Morelli’s drive.

I grabbed the duffle bag and went into the house. I knew I was being followed by a Rangeman vehicle, but it wouldn’t seem strange if I was going into my boyfriends house.

I opened my bag and pulled open the first bag, the one my Grandma helped me to get. She knew the plan, and she promised to stay quiet so long as she could tell the girls at the Clip ‘n’ Curl once it was over that she had a part in it. My shit eating grin was all the answer she needed.

I went through the house and replaced half the contents of all the scattered Maalox bottles with liquid laxative. Poured liquid laxative into his juice, milk, on top of all the casseroles his Mom had filled the fridge with.

Humming, I then went to the shower and poured Nair into his shampoo and conditioner bottles. I filled his underwear draw with itching powder. I filled the air vents with ham.  I grabbed the lube and poured that into his hair gel after pouring the hair gel into the antiseptic hand gel, and then transferred the antiseptic hand gel from the empty container into the lube bottle and then put everything back.

I went through his house and picked up all of my belongings and smiled. All I have to do now is return his key.

On the way out to my car, I realised that I still hadn’t set the next part of my plan in motion. So I checked my watch as I called in my order to Pino’s, just to make sure I weren’t stuck there if a certain Italian stallion were there.

I pulled into Pino’s 20 minutes later and answered my phone to Marylou as I walked in.

“Hey Lou,” I greeted as I walked through the crowd to the counter.

“How far off are you?” I heard her ask as I picked up my order.

Turning I see Terry, she looked ashen. “Maybe 15 minutes, Lou.” I catch Terry’s eye and wink.

“So 25 minutes, got it.” I hear her through my phone. I see a small smile on Terry’s face before I frown at my phone.

That’s when I bump into Felix Gillespie, his FTA is due in 3 days and he’s been AWOL, until now. I drop my pizza boxes on the counter and launch myself at him. After rolling around, knocking his spaghetti all over us and many non family friendly words, I manage to cuff him, grab my pizza and drag him and my food to the car.

I text Mary Lou on the way to the station to make it an hour and she replied that this was to be expected when I babysit.

After being laughed at, watching money exchange hands and finally getting my receipt, I leave the station, I make my way back to the car and drive over to Marylou’s place to babysit for the night. We agreed it was the best excuse to give Joe if he calls for a booty call, and Ranger won’t break into Mary Lou’s place and it would give Mary Lou and Lenny a well deserved night off from the kids. Everyone wins.

...

I woke up the next morning to hell on earth. I didn’t know three kids could sleep for only 4hrs and wake up with so much energy and volume. I crawl off the couch searching desperately for coffee.

After the much needed 3 cups of java, I check my phone. 56 calls, mostly from my mother. 32 messages. I delete each one and see a message from Ranger.

_ ‘You can’t hide at Mary Lou’s forever, Babe.’ _

I quickly type my response.  _ ‘Who says I’m hiding, Batman? What if I’m just stalling?’ _

Grinning, I show Lou my texts as I hand her a cup of coffee just as another message comes in.

_ ‘Should I be worried?’ _

Laughing out loud, I text,  _ ‘You have no idea, Carlos.’ _

I grab a shower and get dressed. 3 coats of mascara for courage. I spend 20 minutes trying to figure out my hair before I give up and pull it into a ponytail gather my bags and head out to pick up Eula from the bus shelter.

2 successful skips, a lunch at cluck in a bucket and a not so successful skip later, I hear the sirens of the TPD and emergency services while I watch my rust and multicoloured POS burning at the top of a tree. This is one of the times that will be talked about the most I think.

“I think I’m gonna go.” I hear Lula say as she escapes before the cops show. Her previous profession as a ho means cops give her hives.

A few minutes later I heave a sigh as a Black Cayenne pulls up with a screech, the Cuban sex god driving launches himself out of the truck and stalks over to me, eyes running over me, searching for injury, before cop cars and fire engines even get the chance to fill the street at both ends.

“It wasn’t my fault.” I say, as his arms wrap around me, tucking me into his chest.

“I know.” He said softly. I look up at his face, and what I see isn’t what I was expecting. No blank face. Worse still, I see fear and relief. I think I broke him by calling him Carlos.

I snuggle my face into his shoulder and squeeze him a little as I murmur, “I’m okay, Carlos.”

Before he could respond, I feel myself being wrenched out of his embrace and spun to be face-to-face with a red faced Italian.

“What the hell, Cupcake!?” Joe’s arms start flying around like they’re trying to escape, but occasionally scratching his junk. Ew. “I have to hear you’ve managed to not only blow up a car, but it’s up a fucking tree too?” He pauses to rub his stomach and scratch his junk again. “How do you think this makes me look? I’ve been chugging Maalox all night and all day, you’re making my life hell! And now you’re getting cosy with him in front of everyone?” He’s screaming and pointing to the cops and fire department and all the Rangemen that have shown up by now, all the while he’s still scratching his junk and rubbing his stomach. “Do you know what they say about me?”  

Then without warning, Joe crumples to the ground on hands and knees and moans.

“oh hell yes.” I whisper as I realise what’s about to happen.

“Babe?”

I whip my phone out and start filming.

“What do they say about you Joe? Do they say that you’re a two timing scumbag? Do they talk about your inability to keep your dick in your pants? Or do they say how full of shit you are? Let’s show everyone how full of shit you really are...”

Joe lets out a low groan and a wet fart. Ranger and I take a step back. At first, nothing happens, then a jet of chunky liquid brown shoots out the top of his pants like Mt Vesuvius and covers  his back, dripping down the sides and seems to not stop.

With exception to the crackling of the fire, and the low moans that Joe is making, everything is dead quiet for a good minute until snickering fills the crowd.

Ranger leans in, and whispers into my ear, “Remind me to never piss you off.”

I stop recording on my phone and turn to look into his beautiful brown eyes and whisper against his lips, “Then maybe you need to think about asking me on a date, Carlos.” Before pressing a soft kiss on his nose and walking away to give my statement to the cops.

 


End file.
